Control Freak

Let Go and Let God

“I have a plan for my life.”

If you know me, then you have heard me say this at least 100 times. I have always liked having a structure for my life and I really can’t stand when things don’t go according to my plan. In the past three years I have had to adapt to many changes that I hadn’t “planned” for which completely turned my world upside down. I began to get easily overwhelmed and even shut down for a few days. I would sit in my room and just stop everything, the problem with this is that instead of trying to find a way to work around my problems or situations I would just drop everything and instead accomplish nothing. 

Trust me when I say that I can’t stand change, at least not when it isn’t foreseen like a scheduled trip or something along those lines. I was never that spontaneous girl until today, I now seek adventure and trips. This change was only made possible by one thing; FAITH. Now, I’m not trying to get all religious on you or push anything on anyone I’m just speaking from my personal experience. I kept thinking “man, life shouldn’t be this hard” and believe me I know that I don’t have it as bad as others but in that moment I felt like everything that could go wrong was going wrong- I felt so lost. I began to flake on my friends, on assignments, and  even push away my family. I had suffered the loss of my mother and in that time I felt only she could console me and that wasn’t an option so I did the only thing I hadn’t tried and that was praying. I prayed for strength, courage, to be fearless, to feel free and you know what? God has definitely been listening and answering. I have long since given up control and let God decide what is best for me.

I know I don’t have the answers and that’s okay because I’m not supposed to, you don’t have to feel alone all the time, you don’t have to feel defeated or hopeless because He was there for me and he will be there for you too. He brought people into my life to help nurture me back to my old self with an edge. Trust his timing. I am now more fearless & I don’t consider myself indestructible but I know that any challenges or obstacles that come my way I won’t have to face them alone because I have Him by my side. 

In my experience, letting go of the wheel has been the best decision. I don’t feel like I have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I finally feel liberated and loved and I know He’s proud of my progress and it brings me so much happiness and fulfillment. My heart is no longer broken but it’s not yet healed because things take time, but they do eventually get better. 

Stay strong & keep the faith.  He will guide you to your destiny. ❤️

xo

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