Growing up has made me stronger and faithful and also a bit guarded. Time and time again I have seen tragic things happen all around me, some things look inevitable. I myself have been through a great deal of pain and I have always been the person who conceals it and locks it away and puts a large stone blocking it from coming out. This pain goes with me everywhere, in moments of happiness I remember the glimpse of pain hidden within and this stops me from enjoying the happiness in front of me.
I’ve grown so tired of pretending that everything is “okay.” I’ve gotten so tired of being “so strong” all the time because I am here to tell you that I’m not always that girl, behind closed doors I have cried myself to sleep. This isn’t often but I’d be lying to say it’s never happened. The pain that has been bottled up has just been holding me down, until I finally realized that I need to do something about it. But what? Just suck it up and get over it ?
WHY?! I should be allowed to break down if I need to, it’s not healthy to hold it in all the time. I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to be vulnerable – I know it’s so effing scary and I know that it hurts and you don’t want to feel that again but the truth is that you can’t heal until you let it out.
LET YOUR HEART HEAL.
Do you have any idea how much God loves you? All he wants to do is cry with you and feel the pain you’re feeling and heal you. I firmly believe that if you let Him in, you will finally be happy again because he will make sure of it. So you and your boyfriend broke up, perhaps that relationship was not meant for you. You lost a loved one and it hurts to grieve every day even though you know that it’s like a throbbing pain because you know you’ll eventually see them again but not in the moment which is what matters, take comfort in knowing how Blessed you are to have had them in your life in the first place. So you got fired, there is a better job waiting for you. I myself am in the midst of this and my heart already feels so much lighter when I take a moment out of my day and let myself heal a little bit more.
FYI- I was inspired by John 11 for those interested.