When I can’t sleep my mind starts to run WILD. Not in like a crazy way, like dark things but in the way that I start to wonder what to eat for breakfast then I wonder what to wear tomorrow, followed by wondering what the next year will look like. This is usually very late at night, because of course, when I want to fall asleep my brain is LIT.
I try to watch a show that is boring so I can fall asleep but no that doesn’t help. I try to listen to soothing music but then I have to use the rest room because there’s usually some water noises in there somewhere. I try to read but then I get really into the book I’m reading and eventually I just have to put it down. It’s not often that this happens honestly, but when it does I end up thinking about every decision I have ever made in my life up until this point.
The other night this was the case, and as I pondered over my last 24 (young) years of life there have been some very powerful moments and it’s interesting to see how even little choices brought me to where I am today. To joining a club in high school brought me to my current church and I still have the same leaders I did in the club as I do in church and it makes me so happy to say that because the leadership at church is amazing and so LOVING which is what makes us all feel like a family.
Then I look at family and how we have grown in the last couple years. It’ll be four years in June that I lost my mom and it still feels as recent as the day it happened. Thinking back to that time brings up very real and very raw emotions. I think back to all that day – my heart quickens in rhythm as my eyes begin to well up with tears- and my heart breaks all over again. I miss her every day and there isn’t a day that I go without thinking about her. She was so smart and hard working, shes the reason I am the way I am today and why I work so hard. My three nephews get bigger everyday and soon I won’t be the tallest in the family anymore. It’s hard to imagine that one day I will have one of those of my own but I feel it’s bound to happen. My mom had three girls, now it’ll be all boys.
My life hasn’t been perfect up until now but it has been filled with some pretty perfect moments. Everytime I got to hug my mom and see her smile make it all worth it. As mother’s day approaches it brings those sad feelings up again but I know she wouldn’t want it to be that way, she would tell me to celebrate my sisters and tell you Vee how much I admire you. The boys are so loving and pure – and so motivated because they see how much you love and encourage them. Jen I know you’re probably reading this and were waiting to see if I’d mention you- of course. Aiden is such a great person, he’s getting so big and I know how much he has in store for his future. His complete life is you, because he see’s your hustle and I admire that about you.
Every single day God gives us another opportunity to make an impact. In someone’s life, or just someones day. What do you choose to do with that? I don’t know about you but I’m pretty happy about the choices I’ve made so far.
I challenge you to make a choice you were scared to make before but now you grant yourself the courage to take.