When I look back on the loss I have experienced, it’s very humbling and empowering. I know how hard it can be to have someone there, who you see every day, and to have them gone the next day.
It’s almost as if you lose a part of you that you have already grown accustomed to – and it’s ripped away without any warning. My world had been turned completely upside down when I lost my mother. I had a bond with her that was truly unexplainable.
My world had been turned completely upside down when I lost my mother.
My daily routine consisted of work or school, sometimes both, to coming home and seeing my mom and talking to her about our days.
It was comforting for both of us to be able to vent about the things that happen at work – that feeling of “YES, YOU GET IT!” – and not having to feel like you’re burdening someone with your complaining. These seemingly normal conversations turned out to be one of the things I miss most.
This daily routine was robbed from me when she was taken from me.
I really did not know how to ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’ as outsiders advised. It’s hard enough to be dealing with loss, but to add on top of that unsupportive ‘friends’ – who at the first sign of pain they ditch you when you need them most – was worse than I could have ever imagined.
For this reason and more I have put together these 3 Steps to Healing After Loss.
1. First thing’s first – do not isolate yourself from others. It’s true that not everyone will be there for you, but I can promise that a few friends will stand by you during the hard times.
If you are close with family (siblings, parents, etc) then do not be scared to approach them with your sorrow. It’s okay if they do not have the ‘right’ words that you need to hear because let’s be real – Who really knows the ‘right’ thing to say?
I have been on both sides of this and I can see how it’s hard for people to relate if they themselves have never actually gone through your situation. Cut them and yourself some slack- let them just be there for you and appreciate it.
2. Be careful what you ‘turn to’ during this time of pain (and hopefully healing). By this, I mean that when we are hurt we all resort to different measures. For example, I wanted to always be out – drinking and partying every weekend.
You might ask yourself, ‘What’s wrong with that?’ well, that’s all fine if you’re doing it for fun. When you start to turn to these things to make you forget or numb you from what is really happening, that is when you start harming yourself. Try something that will be more beneficial to you- start a new sport, writing, painting, exercising, or whatever it is that will help your relieve your stress and pain in a healthy way.
Pain demands to be felt.
3. Lastly, but most importantly- It’s okay if it takes time. A lot of people think that you should be able to move on from loss rather quickly, but in all honesty, that is no one else’s business but yours. Only you know what is best for you and how you are feeling. I still cry from time to time, and that’s normal.
Pain demands to be felt and you’re only human – allow yourself to feel it. When the time comes to you being able to tell your own story of loss without crying, that is when you will truly know that have learned to heal a bit and still feel their love all around.
Don’t be mad at yourself because you can’t forget someone who meant so much to you.
I truly hope that these 3 steps to healing from loss were helpful to you in this difficult time. Understand that you are never alone and there will always be a healthy way to cope with situations you are placed in. Life goes on and you will grow from everything you survive.